Lisa's Saga
April 3, 2000
Dear Doctors:
Believe it or not our family thinks of you, your family and your staff more often than just at Christmas. In fact, you all are in my prayers each night as I tuck my two incredible children into bed.
I can remember crying myself to sleep and praying "Please God, just give me a child with my husband. Please let me know what it feels like to carry a child inside of me. Please let me know what it feels like to have my own child hug me around the neck. I just want to be called ‘Mommy’. Please God, just grant me this one wish, and I promise I’ll never ask for anything ever again."
(Luckily God knew I was full of crap, but he led us to you and your practice and granted our wonderful wish with the birth of Carlie Lucile on 6/18/97.)
Thank God IVF worked as my husband says I would have had our dog in diapers with her little tail sticking out, had we not gotten pregnant.
Six months after Carlie’s birth, I began to experience abdominal pains again, much like those which I complained to you about initially. I remember you telling me that you could help us, if we wanted to try to have more children. Since my benefits through my employer covered three IVF attempts in my lifetime, and since we had gotten pregnant on our first cycle with Carlie, my husband and I chose to use our last two IVF attempts before considering surgery.
I must admit that I never thought I would get pregnant again. We even goofed up the instructions during this second cycle. Amazingly enough, your office called us just in the nick of time and interrupted (literally, we almost didn’t answer the phone) and SAVED cycle #2. You and Dr. Behnke were wonderful to open the wing at the hospital on Father’s Day 1998 to fix our "timing error" and conceive our second blessing, Jessica Kelley.
(I guess my chef can’t put the ingredients together, but I sure do have an ‘Easy-bake oven’.)
I think I was four months pregnant with Jess, before it finally began to sink in that I WAS PREGNANT AGAIN!!! My second pregnancy had been the total opposite of my first. With Jessie it seemed there was something new to worry about each week: the doctor’s said she had a "higher than average" chance of Down’s Syndrome; I had caught "Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease" from Carlie, so they thought Jess would be born with scars on her hands, feet and mouth; I was exposed to chicken pox so they were afraid of additional scarring. I was as sick and as exhausted as I ever thought a body ever could be.
Again, I found myself emotional and praying to God, "Please just let this baby be happy and healthy. I’ll be as sick as you can dish out, but let this baby be healthy and happy." (I didn’t bother with the "I’ll never ask for anything again stuff this time".)
I also began to question how would I ever love another child as much as I love Carlie. We prayed so hard for her. We went through so much Hell to have her come into our lives. I wanted to make sure that Carlie never felt replaced or jealous with the new baby. I decided that they were both brought into our lives to help each other and protect each other. One is not more important or more special; rather they will need to become a part of each other. I never had a brother or sister, so when I was little and the living room lamp broke, there was little detective work required. With these two little charmers, how am I ever going to know who breaks my lamp???
My husband tells me that the last words I shouted before finally giving birth to Jessie on 3/2/00 were: "can’t you just reach in there and get her***out""!!!" We both knew from the moment she was born that our latest wish had been granted. She was healthy and perfect in every way.
Ironic that the week after Carlie turned a year old; we found out we were pregnant with Jessie. About a week after Jessie’s first birthday, I found out that I have a mass (probably a fibroid) and am also in need of a total hysterectomy with removal of both ovaries. (We’ll save my employer the claim experience of another IVF attempt and hopefully get some sleep this year.)
I can’t help but think that this procedure was inevitable at some point and I’m just amazed that I have my two children. The thought of this surgery is a little scary, but I’m so anxious to get rid of this abdominal pain once and for all, that I’m actually looking forward to the hysterectomy. Besides, look how we have made out of every other ordeal so far.
Since there is a picture of Carlie on your wall of fame, I was wondering if you could also do me the honor of hanging Jessie somewhere amongst your presence too.
I hope that if you glance at a picture of one of my children throughout your busy day, you will know for that one moment how much you have given me, and how eternally grateful I am. Thank you for letting me experience all of my wishes. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t laugh and smile and realize how lucky I am.
(We also kept our "needles & syringes" pop bottles to remind us of what we went through to have these children. We may need to publicly display these bottles on our mantle when the girls get into their teens.)
I realize that not all of your patients are granted their wishes and that makes me sad, as I know it affects you. Please let the positive in life overshine any negative.
God Bless you and your staff and your families. We look forward to seeing you at this year’s Baby Reunion.
With Much Gratitude and Love,
Lisa
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